Can gratitude make me happier?
“It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude – gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children. My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude – not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.”
Sheryl Sandberg’s commencement speech (2016 to UC Berkeley)
Gratitude can make us happier and healthier
Research has shown the importance of gratitude and how it is associated with feeling more positive, having more energy, enjoying stronger relationships, and having healthier habits. It’s not easy to talk about gratitude in the midst of a pandemic when everyone has, in one way or another, lost something or someone and is carrying a great deal of grief. Many people have lost someone close to them, lost their job, or are struggling financially and may have seen their life’s work go up in smoke. Others are struggling with illness or loneliness, young people have seen their lives turned upside down and lost out on opportunities. All together, society’s collective state of mental illness is concerning. But as we all know, life isn’t always fair – not even before the pandemic. This is exactly why it’s so important to talk about gratitude. Research shows that, despite everything that has happened, gratitude can help us feel happier, give us more energy, and help us enjoy better well-being and better health. Gratitude can also help us become more resilient to the difficulties that life will surely throw our way at some point.
Gratitude can help you out of grief
I’m touched by the story of Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s chief operating officer, about how gratitude in the midst of the deepest sorrow can be the beginning of the road back to life and happiness. Suddenly and completely unexpectedly, Sheryl loses her husband, the father of her children. The pain and sorrow are hard to bear. After a period of mourning, one day one of her friends, a psychologist, asks her to think about how life could be worse. How is that possible? When her friend says that her husband could have had a heart attack at the wheel of a car with their children in the back, Sheryl felt a huge sense of gratitude to have her children. In this way, gratitude was able to push out some of the pain and replace it with happiness. As she says herself, she was then able to gradually begin her journey back to life. For me, this story is a reminder that we can all find things to be grateful for. On the journey of life, at times it can be easier to find things to be grateful for, while at other times it can be difficult – sometimes it can even feel impossible. Sometimes we can feel grateful for one of life’s many amazing moments of happiness, but often we can also feel grateful for the little things that we sometimes take for granted. Personally, I think that those who are happiest in life are those who enjoy the little things, like a sunny day, a nice cup of coffee, a rewarding conversation, or a warm hug from your children or a friend.
Cultivating gratitude
Modern research has shown that by writing down a number of specific things that you feel grateful for, you can feel more optimistic, energetic, and more emotionally resilient to life’s challenges. In addition, gratitude is associated with better well-being in general. This is something that can be done every day or, as one study has shown to be effective, once a week. Feeling grateful is also something we can become more aware of and practise. It is also a strength that helps us to not take things for granted and builds resilience. This applies to gratitude for things in the past, for things right now, and for things in the future. Picking out some memories that make us feel grateful can also have positive effects.
Taking it a step further and expressing gratitude to someone else has been shown to create stronger and more loving relationships. Research has shown that we underestimate the value of expressing gratitude to others. An e-mail, a letter, or a bunch of flowers with a focus on the recipient can make a huge difference to your own well-being, as well as that of the recipient.
My advice:
Challenge yourself to keep a gratitude journal where you regularly write down a number of things, say three, that you’re grateful for. Taking a few minutes each evening to write down the three things you’re grateful for ends the day on a positive note. Another easy thing to do is to start your morning by thinking of three positive things that you’re about to do during the day that you feel grateful for. It’s not about time so much as finding a way to cultivate positive thoughts. And if in doubt, just give it a try!
