Self-compassion – the key to reaching your health goals?
Modern research shows that self-compassion is more important than self-esteem when it comes to achieving personal goals, which in turn leads to better well-being – both mentally and physically.
I am often surprised at the degree to which guilt, demand and self-criticism are linked to wanting a healthy lifestyle. Instead of seeing all the positives you accomplish and finding pleasure in them, it is easy for things you do not perceive as being so successful to take up too much space and, above all, lead to feelings of guilt. This not only saps energy and can have a negative impact on well-being, it also actually makes it more difficult to achieve your goals. Modern research clearly shows that having more self-compassion makes us stronger and more resilient, and not the opposite as many believe. Furthermore, it can reduce the risk of anxiety and depression.
Set goals and preferably mini-goals that encourage you to carry on
It is well known in modern pedagogy how important feeling able to master something is to achieving goals and carrying on. The goal should strike a balance between being a challenge and the feeling of being able to do something and do it successfully. If the challenge is too easy, there is a big risk that you will become bored, and if it’s too difficult the risk is that you’ll give up. The feeling that you’re making progress and mastering something provides not only energy, well-being and joy but also the appetite to move on and reach the next goal. In the same way, when you want to make a lifestyle change, it’s important not to set the bar too high. Unfortunately this is quite a common mistake when making various types of lifestyle change, one that increases the risk of failure and also creates negative feelings about the change. All too often there is talk of ‘heroic’ efforts and pushing yourself almost to the ‘limit’. And quite often this is something we associate with success and ambition. However, this does not always have anything to do with a healthy lifestyle and sometimes it can make you push so hard that eventually you give up. If you set mini-goals and make gradual changes that represent a certain challenge but are still reasonable, there’s a greater chance that you will succeed and have energy to set the next goal.
‘People who have higher levels of self-compassion are generally more proactive.’
Self-compassion – be kind to yourself and reach your goals more easily
To be able to set reasonable goals, it is also important to be forgiving of yourself, just as you often are towards others. Also, everyone needs to set their goals based on where they are, not according to some ‘general’ template. We all have different life situations and, above all, they change over time. Modern research also shows more and more clearly how important it is to choose goals that have meaning specifically for you and enrich your life in some way. David Desteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University in Boston, has shown in his research that when we allow emotions such as self-compassion and gratitude, we not only increase our self-control but also find it easier to wait for a ‘reward’ and thus become more resistant to impulses. It has also been shown that if you choose to be less self-critical and accept that sometimes you do things that weren’t originally planned, this can make you more inclined to correct mistakes you make and learn from them. This can help you to develop more easily on a personal level, according to American research by Juliana Breines and Serena Chen.
Sometimes there has been an old mindset that if you are kind to yourself, this contributes to laziness and could be viewed as failure.Interestingly, modern research indicates that this is not the case and in fact the opposite is true! If we are kind to ourselves and look at ourselves with patience and warmth, we more often choose a lifestyle that we feel good about, both mentally and physically. Interestingly, a study also showed that people who show self-compassion also have lower levels of substances that contribute to inflammation, which can be harmful to us in the long run, both physically and mentally. It is thought that this is because when we are too hard on ourselves or self-critical, this becomes an internal stress factor itself that increases our stress hormones, which in turn can have a negative effect on our long-term health.
Simple ways of being more forgiving of yourself:
Remember that everyone can get better at self-compassion – you can practise.
Be kind to yourself and accept that not everything will turn out as planned and that that’s OK. Be patient with yourself!
Think what you would say to a friend – give yourself the same encouragement you often give to others!
Focus on the positive things you are doing and find pleasure in them, and not the other way round.
Choose something that is important to you and that you want to add to your lifestyle, and make mini-goals that are reasonable to achieve. Take one step at a time and don’t compare yourself with others.
A little is better than nothing.
And remember that what doesn’t fit into your life now may do so later on. Long-term changes and new habits take time. This is why quick fixes and trends don’t work.
My advice:
View your long-term healthy lifestyle as something positive that makes you feel good and that you are laying the foundation for step by step. Put self-criticism and too much pressure on yourself to one side and become your own best friend by being kind to yourself and focusing on the positives. Don’t measure yourself against others. Instead, identify what’s important to you and set realistic goals.
